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     God Is a Mortician is an irreverent novel of political, religious, and sexual satire, written as absurdist sci-fi. A fast-moving, comedic drama told as a history lesson to the narrator’s son, there’s sex with Jesus, a strong white president who happens to be an albino gorilla, and three aliens from the planet Mortice who extract energy from the semi-intelligent Earthlings through religious worship.

     Bubba, who is God to the Jews and Christians, develops an addiction to Peruvian ceviche. Another Mortician, the beautiful Sho-Shota, falls in love with our human protagonist Miguel, the ceviche chef brought to heaven by God to serve the delicious dish for eternity. Threatened with eternal life in heaven’s kitchen, our human hero and his Mortician lover hijack a spacecraft and shag their way around the Milky Way with Butch, a Mortician pilot obsessed with alien reproductive habits. Big-balled brainiacs called Gonaddians oversee the Morticians, and ridiculous bit players mirror some of today’s political anti-heroes. The narrator’s son doubts the veracity of the history lesson, but his dad insists on its significance, and he’s inescapably drawn into the story.

     Readers say they’re reminded of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy and have commented that the style and story resemble elements of Vonnegut and Hunter Thompson. With scorching commentary on organized religion, our broken political system, and humans’ trashing of this beautiful planet, there’s something ridiculous or disturbing on almost every page.

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An Excerpt From the Novel

The green aliens with fifteen eyes continued to evolve and became smarter and smarter.
Before long they had solved some of the more elementary problems in physics, such as nuclear
fusion and fission as well as semiconductor technologies, and progressed on past the speed of
light barrier. It wasn’t long before they were traveling to other galaxies and forming motorcycle
gangs everywhere they went, happily tootling the surfaces of planets all over the universe
spreading peace and love, renewable energy, and population equilibrium. You might think that
happiness was achieved by the majority of the species they dominated, and you’d be right.

For some reason, the green aliens with fifteen eyes thought that happiness was of the
utmost importance, which is very different from how things are on Earth today where happiness
is less important than money, which doesn’t always bring happiness even though it helps.
Because you don’t have to work all the time and you have more time for sex, reading, and beach
blanket bingo.

But some people on Earth want to keep on working even when they have plenty of money
because they want power, and then they really lose sight of happiness and just crave money and
power, and happiness becomes insignificant. They forget about the reading, the sex, and even the
beach blanket bingo. All they can do is think about how to screw over their neighbor. There was
a guy like that who became boss of America, and—spoiler alert—you’ll learn about what
happened to him in this history lesson, too.

Sorry, but I keep getting off the track with foreplay. Okay, it’s really called foreshadowing
but I like the sound of foreplay better. It brings sex to mind, and apologies if you’re a prude, but
you might as well put this down if you don’t like reading about sex because there’s going to be a
healthy dose of it in this history lesson.

Big Bad Buck Sheep

There's a mean buck sheep on the loose, and Finn gets trapped in no-man's-land between the yard fence and the coal shed. That ram is born to butt and he's after Finn.

With his parents in town, city-slicker Uncle Rob is the only adult for miles around. Uncle Rob's initial reaction: "What am I supposed to do about that?"

Good clean fun on the farm ain't so much fun with the big bad buck sheep on the prowl.

Earning My Wages

Coming Soon!

Captain Bob Visits the Farm

Coming Soon!

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